ORDER THE CD: SECURE ONLINE PURCHASE -- $15.95 FREE SHIPPING TO U.S. LOCATIONS

THE SONGS FROM THIS CD ARE AVAILABLE FOR STREAMING AND DOWNLOAD FROM MOST MAJOR DIGITAL OUTLETS.

1: DIAMOND LIL 2:30

Order sheet music for "Diamond Lil"

Chorus:
Diamond Lil
With a dog named Cat and a cat named Bob
Never gonna take an office job
In Erie Pennsylvania
Diamond Lil she's the last of the good time gals

Diamond Lil she rides with the band
In the van on the way to the show
We're looking' for the Speedway
She knows which way to go
She fumbles with the spigot but all she gets is foam
Diamond Lil says, "Frigate!"
And laughs us all the wrong way home

Chorus:

Spring was a thing of rings and buds
And love was a blur of blues and suds
And guys were normally referred to as studs in Erie Pennsylvania
She says "Hey Tom, get one of your studs to fetch your old banjo
Play 'The Yellow Rose of Texas' one time before you got to go"

Chorus

2: KALAMAZOO 4:50

Order sheet music for "Kalamazoo"

There's one thing I never want to do
And that's be a predator down in Kalamazoo
Hanging 'round the old cantina
Shadowing somebody like you

I met these guys in a band called Peter Lorre
They do Scorpions, they do Judas Priest
The drummer's named Doug and he's from Detroit
And he wears a bicep bracelet -- Doug's a beast
He used to go to parties at Bob Seger's place
He said Seger'd be passed out by nine flat on his face
So he bought a couple acres on the fringes of rock and roll
Not close enough to lose control

There's one thing I never want to do
And that's be a predator down in Kalamazoo
Hanging 'round the old cantina
Shadowing somebody like you

Above the bar there's a painting of a Mountie and a deer
I'm looking at you, you're looking at your beer
And Tyrone's looking at the razor's edge
And the Mountie -- he's looking at his deer

Now Harley and Tom are explaining Wittgenstein
We're standing in the middle of the kitchen drinking wine
They've been waiting all their lives for some poor fool
To ask them to explain Wittgenstein
Some day I'll change my ways and I'll settle down
I'll buy a little place on the good side of town
A couple of acres on the edge of the American soul
Not close enough to lose control

There's one way I never want to feel
Like I'm some kind of ghost in Chapel Hill
Hanging 'round the pizzeria
Shadowing somebody like you

There's one thing I never want to do
And that's be a predator down in Kalamazoo
Hanging 'round the old cantina
Shadowing somebody like you

3: DEAR MR. GERSHWIN 3:05

Order Sheet Music for "DEAR MISTER GERSHWIN"

Dear Mr. Gershwin
Right after dinner
You looked even thinner to me
I could tell you'd been too busy making up
More of your melodies
How could somebody like me
Dare to interrupt?
Dear Mr. Gershwin
At least have some cake
How can you play your rhapsody right
When you haven't touched one single bite
Some meat, Mr. Gershwin
A beet, Mr. Gershwin?
Beets are very good for you

Dear Mr. Gershwin
I saw you this evening
As you were leaving
Your suit was a masterpiece
When you were stepping into your limousine
I threw you a tangerine
I thought you needed fruit
Why were you staring
Out into space?
That look on your face
Was ever so odd to me
Was it hunger or grief
Or just plain relief
Mr. Gershwin, what did you see
Another world so free
A flying saucer or anybody else but me?

4: SHINING DOWN 4:21

Sheet Music for "SHINING DOWN"

I've wooed many hearts in the footlights
As a lover I was playing
I've had grand affairs on the Spanish Stairs
Though modesty may stop me from saying
There was that Queen of Sheba from Kankakee
That Jezebel from Joliet
And a certain Cleopatra in a catfish cannery
Though not a single true love yet
But every now and then across the din
I'd catch an eye that beamed
With the heavenly light of a Saturday night
Shining down on an actor's dreams

I was there for the weddings and the funerals
There for the better or the worse
Feeling like a stranger in paradise
Driving 'round town in a hearse
But I'd belly to the bar with the best of them
And laugh along with everybody's fun
But when the night was through
They'd leave two by two
Seemed like I was the only 'one'
But every ten years or so there'd come a Joe
Speaking straight to my heart it seemed
With the kindly light of a Saturday night
Shining down on an undertaker's dreams

Well it's something no book is gonna tell you
It's the same for the women as the men
There were bull whackers, track layers, hard scrabblers, coal freighters
Men enough to make a girl spin
So she'd paint my cheek and she'd press her gown
But some cowboy would always spoil it
Grabbing at her bustle in the old dance hall
And passing out cold in the toilet
But every now and then across the din
She'd catch an eye that beamed
With the heavenly light of a Saturday night
Shining down on a good girl's dreams
With the heavenly light of a Saturday night
Shining down on a good girl's dreams

5: CIMARRON CYCLONE 3:36

Sheet Music for "CIMARRON CYCLONE"

The wind was the worst -- it picked up half the town
And took it for a spin and set it back down
I was thinking to myself "It's just a little zephyr"
When I got knocked down by a low flying heifer
Suddenly there wasn't any business that I couldn't postpone
Due to the appearance of the great Cimarron cyclone

Then I looked up just in time to see
The whole damn world comin' down on me
Just a troubled heart and a lousy hand
Buried in a shallow grave of Kansas sand

The rest of the town woke up the next day
A little dried out but basically okay
They went to church as usual and then ate lunch
Saying "Ain't it a pity 'bout that Cimarron bunch"
While we was in a state that could only be considered overblown
Due to the appearance of the great Cimarron cyclone
It was all because of that great Cimarron cyclone
It was all because of that great Cimarron cyclone

6: THE BUTTERFIELD STAGE 2:06

Oh the Butterfield stage, oh the Butterfield stage
I can still feel the wind in the wild purple sage
The book of my life turned a terrible page
That day she alit from the Butterfield stage

She came from St. Louis as fresh as a blossom
With the heart of an angel and the smile of a possum
You never beheld a more picturesque sight
Her teeth were like stars, they came out at night

Her nose was an organ of singular strength
As renowned for its width as it was for its length
'Tis said some bystanders were hard pressed of course
To distinguish my darling from a Butterfield horse

I picked up her trunk & it felt like two tons
As if it was chock full of anvils and guns
Perhaps it was only the powder and plug
Required to re-plaster her Butterfield mug

Oh the Butterfield stage oh the Butterfield stage
I can still feel the wind in the wild purple sage
But I was the bird what got put in its cage
That day she alit from the Butterfield stage

So boys let this teach you the way of the West
To be happy and prosperous three things I suggest
Keep your hand on the plow and your mind on the Lord
And don't order a bride from Montgomery Ward

7: WHEN I WAS A LITTLE WEE BABE 3:53

Order Sheet Music for "When I Was A Little Wee Babe"

When I was a little wee babe
I was often very much afraid
Of bullies and beasts and to say the least
I was shy, I don't know why
I didn't play at sport like the other boys
I wasn't fond of guns and other toys
I liked to play dolls and little parasols
Yes it's true, and how about you?
I'd dress those dollies up in their Sunday best
Often it was all there was to do in the west
Then I'd lay them out, head to toes
In rows, they'd repose
Oh stack 'em up high boys straight up to the sky
Coins over their eye boys, oh, I don't know why

Then I'd make a little sermon on the vanity of life
And carry my dollies as Sissy played her fife
To a mossy sward or a corner of the yard
Where I'd inter them with myrrh
Then I'd mourn for my dollies in a funereal way
I'd dress in black and I'd never act gay
Until week's end when I'd say "Amen"
And dig them up and do it all again
Oh stack 'em up high boys straight up to the sky
Coins over their eye boys, oh, I don't know why

So I grew up to be a barber on the hill
With a tonsorial parlor and a fancy window sill
But customers were crude, cowboys are rude
They don't stay still, no they won't stay still
So I opened up a shop for ladies hair arranging
But ladies were scarce
And styles were always changing
So I combined the two, with an enterprising view
Now perpetuity is my annuity
I'll beautify you with an eye to the hereafter
"Mould's undertaking" Reads the sign from my rafter
Trade is always high; there's a constant supply
So don't be appalled - eventually I'll be called
Oh stack 'em up high boys straight up to the sky
Coins over their eye boys, oh, I don't know why

Just a wrinkle smoothed here
And a pimple covered there
Bullet holes are extra
They want a special care
No matter what your end
I'll be your friend as I drape you in crepe
Though' I'm by nature meek and mild
It's been said I could always coax a smile
Though' worms await your corporeal fate
I'll do my best to send you out in style
Oh stack 'em up high boys straight up to the sky
Coins over their eye boys, oh, I don't know why
Order sheet music for "WHEN I WAS A LITTLE WEE BABE"

8: THAT WICKY WACKY HULA HULA HONKA WONKA HONOLULU HAWAIIAN HONEY OF MINE 2:14

Order Sheet Music for "THAT WICKY WACKY HULA HULA HONKA WONKA
HONOLULU HAWAIIAN HONEY OF MINE"

Tonight I'm dreaming of a true love
Far away across the sea
There's a sweet Hawaiian flower
That I'm longing for to see
'Twas years ago when I last saw her
On the beach at Waikiki
Sadly waving in the sunset
As my ship pulled out to sea

She was that wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
Hawaiian honey of mine
When I saw her in the hut
She was cracking coconuts
With a crazy kind of rhythm double-time
I'm gonna build a little wicky wacky ticky tacky
Sugar shacky love nest out of pine
For that wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
Hawaiian honey of mine

I left my rambling days behind me
And found a little mountain home
In a peaceful monastery
Nevermore I vowed to roam
Then one day as I sat praying Suddenly I heard a knock
When I peeked out through the curtains
I could barely stand the shock

It was that wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
Hawaiian honey of mine
She was cold and damp and she had a little cramp
From swimming 'cross the ocean double-time
I'm gonna build a little wicky wacky ticky tacky
Sugar shacky love nest out of pine
For that wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
Wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
Fric frac bug-a wug-a hoot joot chug-a lug-a
Fric frac bug-a wug-a hoot joot chug-a lug-a
Hawaiian honey of
Hawaiian honey of
Hawaiian honey of mine

9: ARGONNE WOOD 3:35

words and music by Mike Craver
©2002 Sapsucker Publishing, BMI
Order Sheet Music for "ARGONNE WOOD"

Billy Leonard was a boy from here
A stouthearted fellow Billy knew no fear
He learned about the war from newsreels
He'd seen in the movie house
Billy figured that he take a chance
He joined the army then he sailed for France
He'd give that Kaiser a kick in the pants
Any good man should
His captain said "Don't you worry, son
We're gonna give the dickens to the lousy Hun
And when we've blown 'em all to kingdom come
We'll cross and make our claim"

Oh Billy don't you weep no more
You lost your battle but you won our war
Just like we knew you could
There's no pretty ladies where the poppies grow
Nobody told you what you had to know
The only ones who could
Lay buried in the Argonne wood

And the orders come and the whistles blow
Up from the trenches all the laddies go
They looked at each other but how could they know
They'd be cut down like the grain?
They said it'd all be over in forty-two days
And the world situation would improve in ways
But none could see it through the murky haze
That billowed from an unjust cause

Oh Billy don't you weep no more
You lost your battle but you won our war
Just like we knew you would
There's no pretty ladies where the poppies grow
Nobody told you what you had to know
The only ones who could
Lay buried in the Argonne wood

Billy had it better than some of his friends
He's still alive and he still pretends
But sometimes at night he prays for an end
To the hell of his same old dream
He's come back home to his family's care
He wears his medals as he sits in his chair
But his legs are gone and his soul's not there
He'd claim it if he could
Deep in the Argonne wood

Oh Billy don't you weep no more
You lost your battle but you won our war
Just like we knew you could
No big parades where the poppies grow
Nobody told you what you had to know
The only ones who could
Lay buried in the Argonne wood

10: EDWIN 2:45

words and music by Mike Craver

©2002 Sapsucker Publishing, BMI
Order Sheet Music for "EDWIN"

Edwin loves birds and Edwin loves bugs
Viennese waltzes and Persian rugs
He's got a little gramophone that he can wind up
Sometimes we dance together, and share a little cup
Of silly things like chocolate tea
And one spring evening Edwin kissed me

He wears a little ring of gold on his pinky
He's got a Maxwell roadster and a cat named Inky
I wish I had a ring of gold
But Edwin's awful busy
And I'm gettin' kind of old

But you ought to see Inky do her little tricks
She'll jump at shiny things all dangling from sticks
He likes to show her off
To the boys in town
She'll climb up a ladder
And shinny back down
And we all laugh so when Inky's like that
Sometimes I feel like Edwin's cat
But he loves me so
It's always been said
Then I guess the thing for me is do I really love Edwin?

We've courted ten years -- Edwin's always said
We'll probably keep courtin' till the day we're dead
Still I dream of a cottage with a pretty garden path
Edwin's good with wood, but he's awful bad at math
Still he loves me so
It's always been said
Then I guess the thing for me is I don't really love Edwin
Edwin
Edwin
Order sheet music for "EDWIN"

11: I'M YELLOW 2:08

words by Jack Herrick, music and last verse words by Mike Craver
©2002 Skyler at Home Music, BMI; & Sapsucker Publishing, BMI

Order sheet music for "I'm Yellow"

Like the daffodils in spring
Or a canary on the wing
I'm yellow
Like gravy made from chicken stock
Or a fungus on a rock
I'm yellow

I should be a Hottentot but I'm not
My shade's too bright for golden
When I should be getting hot
I think of you
And my feet begin to colden

I should tell you how I feel
But I lack the nerves of steel
To call you up and ask you out to catch a bite
I know it's no big deal
To invite you for a meal
But when I think of you I loose my appetite

So I'm just hawin' and a-hemmin'
And I'm suckin' on a lemon
And my heart is just a heart-shaped molded Jell-O
I can't even say hello
I guess you'd have to say well-o
I'm yellow

I know I'm just a coward
Any Mortimer or Howard
Would throw away his feathers and his beak
He would strut his stuff and bellow
Like any happy fellow
But I can't 'cause I'm a milk toast, soft and weak

I would meet you for a drink but the drinks I like are pink
And a girl should have a fellow who likes stout
No matter if he's fifty and his eyes are cold and shifty
And the slightest bit of motion wears him out

So I'll just stay at home with Mother
There's never been another who could play upon my conscience like a cello
If you've yet to ascertain, she'll be happy to explain
I'm yellow - so slightly
Yellow - quite rightly
Yellow

12: RHODE ISLAND IS FAMOUS FOR YOU 2:44

words by Howard Dietz; music by Arthur Schwartz
© Chappell and Co., ASCAP

Every state has something its Rotary Club can boast of
Some product that the state produces the most of
Rhode Island is little, but oh my
It has a product anyone would buy

Copper comes from Arizona, peaches come from Georgia
And lobsters come from Maine
The wheat fields are the sweet fields of Nebraska
And Kansas gets bonanzas from its grain
Old whiskey comes from old Kentucky -- ain't the country lucky
New Jersey gives us glue
But you, you come from Rhode Island
And little old Rhode Island is famous for you

And cotton comes from Louisiana, gophers come from Montana
And spuds from Idaho
They plough land in the cow land of Missouri
Where most beef meant for roast beef seems to grow
Grand Canyons come from Colorado, gold comes from Nevada
Divorces also
But you, you come from Rhode Island
And little old Rhode Island is famous for you

Pencils come from Pennsylvania, vests from Vest Virginia
And tents from Tennessee
They know mink where they grow mink in Wyoming
But a camp chair in New Hampshire that's for me
And minnows come from Minnesota - coats come from Dakota
So why should you be blue
'Cause you, you come from Rhode Island
Don't let 'em knock Rhode Island
It's famous for you

Digital downloads available from iTunes, Napster, Rhapsody, MP3Tunes, etc., and most digital distributors, including:
GreatIndieMusic
MusicIsHere
Bitmunk
PayPlay
PassAlong
Tradebit

13: EVERYONE'S GONE TO THE MOON 3:08

words and music by Mike Craver
©2002 Sapsucker Publishing, BMI
Order Sheet Music for "Everyone's Gone to the Moon"

Everyone's gone to the moon
Nobody lives here anymore
The mailbox is empty, the eye never blinks
The doorman just sits in his corner and drinks
Since everyone's gone to the moon

Some people live on a star
They don't know how lucky they are
They stay in the clouds and they twinkle around
On magical carpets that never touch down
That's life, so they say, on a star

There was a world that once I knew
Shining in fields of morning dew
So green and sky so blue

Have you ever been to the sun?
I hear it's a whole lot of fun
There's no need for flashcubes and things like Texas Pete
It's really ideal all except for the heat
But I hear it's lonely in June
'Cause everyone's gone to the moon

14: WATSON COME HERE I WANT YOU 2:10

words and music by Mike Craver
©2002 Sapsucker Publishing, BMI
Order sheet music for "WATSON COME HERE. I WANT YOU"

Come gather round me children, a story I will tell
About the great inventor Alexander Graham Bell
He had an old transmitter that he was working on
And someday soon he hoped it would become the telephone

Tom Watson, his assistant, was out in the woodshed
With his ear to a receiver and his hat upon his head
He thought he heard some static, followed by a whine
And then he heard these famous words Come ringing o'er the line:

"Watson come here I want you
I've spilt sulfuric acid in my lap
I hate to interrupt but my pants are burning up
Watson come here I want you"

When Watson came to call with sponge and alcohol
Bell knew that he was doing something right
He cried “"At last!" and "Hoo-wee!"
Then he telegraphed St. Louis
And had a patent by that very night

Now folks talk to each other across this mighty land
And every voice is heard so loud and clear
And we never have to yell
Thanks to Alexander Bell
And that fateful day he made this sad demand

"Watson come here I want you
I've had a little accident it seems
Though the telephone's been solved
My underwear's dissolved
Watson come here I want you"

---